Negative Advice Givers.
You know these people.
A lot of their sentences start with the phrase,
“You know…
there’s a better way to do that.”
They might start with good intentions, but it always comes
out like criticism.
Many of these negative people actually have good ideas and
could be extremely helpful, it’s just that no one wants to listen to them
because they’re just…
Well they’re just negative.
“Here - you’re doing it wrong. Let me show you the most
effective way.”
Negative advice givers come in all forms.
- Parents
- Friends
- Bosses
These people violate two cardinal rules for teaching or
mentoring
1) A NEGATIVE ADVICE GIVER MAY HAVE MISJUDGED YOUR DESIRE
FOR ADVICE.
They forget that you may actually want to try it your way
first. Trial and error is one of the most concrete ways to pick up new skills.
They’re giving you good information and are actually looking out for your best
interest, trying to save you from error. But they are forgetting that the very
reason they know the lesson so well is that it was them had to learn it through
trial and error in the first place. Trial and error is not always a bad thing.
Once burned, twice shy.
2) NOT EVERYONE IS WELL POSITIONED TO GIVE OUT ADVICE TO
EVERYONE ELSE.
If a negative person is constantly criticizing you, it’s
highly unlikely that you’re looking to them when you want help. People seek out
those that believe in them, that respect them, and that focus on problem
solving rather than pointing out error. This makes it tough for a negative
person to help be part of the solution even when they have the best advice or
solution.
We all fall into this trap at times. We see someone doing
something wrong, that we know how to do right, but we just blow it when it
comes to lending a hand.
Instead of starting off by saying, “I love helping with home
projects, can you tell me a little about what your doing here?” we go in pig
headed and say “I’m really good at home projects, can I show you a few things
you’re doing wrong?
One is an invitation to let the person explain what they
know, and might be followed by a question help.
The other tells the person they suck and you don’t. Which
person would you rather work with.
Listen, we all know you are smart, skilled and ready to
help.
Let’s just all try to find a better way of offering our expertise
to the world.
